We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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