he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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