HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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