Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
