who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
