is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
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