Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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