Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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