i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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