She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
