You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
