I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
