you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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