I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
