I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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