Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
