I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
