I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize