But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
