I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
