I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
