the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
