He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize