he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
