is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
