He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
