dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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