with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
