I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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