I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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