hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
