Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Randomize
