I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
