Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
