I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
