the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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