Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
