tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
