I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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