the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize