btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
