angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
