Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
