I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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