The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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