I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He is an equal opportunity slut.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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