Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
