life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
