The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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