It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Dignity is for republicans.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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