I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize