Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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