I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
