her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
