Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
