i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
should my penis look like a turkey
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
