We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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