Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
