I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
