Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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