he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
