I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
