I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
