My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
