6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
