i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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