I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
