I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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