Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
