Well douche your snatch and let's go!
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
