i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
