god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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