Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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