My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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