In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just had sex on a roof
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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