So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
