I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
