Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
